Reflections
by PhoenixTears80
Summary: A current case brings up memories of the past. Spoilers for 'The Big Game', 'Revelations', and 'The Internet is Forever'.


I've been watching repeats of 'Criminal Minds' and last night saw the episode 'The Internet is Forever'.

Given the issues that the season four episode 'Conflicted' brought up for Reid (meaning confronting a suspect suffering from multiple personalities), I would have been really surprised if a case involving a suspect who murdered people and posted video of it online didn't have just as much of an effect on him. I wanted to explore that a little bit.

Alas, I own _nothing_. Well, nothing of any import anyway ;o)

Reflections

The team sat in the offices of the Boise Police Department, silently staring at the computer monitors where, just moments ago, they had seen the young woman fight for her life and lose.

Nobody said anything as Hotch gestured for all but one of the monitors to be turned off. On the last one, the face of Penelope Garcia replaced the video feed from the victim's house. "I want the users from that chat room."

Garcia nodded, wiping the tears from her face. "On it, sir," she said, her expression of horror changing to one of steely resolve before cutting the connection.

Silence and stillness reigned for a few moments before the sound of chair legs scraping against the floor drew their attention. All eyes turned to Reid as he pushed back in his chair, stood up, and headed quickly for the front door of the police station without looking at anyone.

Rossi looked slightly confused, but everyone else exchanged knowing glances. Hotch nodded at JJ, who immediately stood up and followed the young man.

* * *

><p>She found him sitting on a bench outside the front doors. It was dark except for the parking lot lights and the light coming from the windows and doors of the station. He was sitting with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands.<p>

JJ sat down next to Reid and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you ok?" she asked.

He ran his hands back through his now-shorter hair before sitting back on the bench. "Was it this bad before?" he said, answering her question with another question.

"Before when?" JJ questioned.

Reid looked at her, pursing his lips before he answered. "In Georgia," he said simply.

JJ's eyes widened as she realized what he was referring to. Other than a quietly spoken reassurance of _It's not your fault_, they had never talked about it.

"It's just," he began, "I feel so… I don't know, I can't even describe it… but, knowing that we just watched this woman die, but we didn't know who she was or where she was, and we couldn't do anything to help her – I hate it." He paused for a moment as he stared off into the darkness before continuing. "And I just wanted to know if it was this bad when," he paused, "when it was me," he finished quietly.

JJ took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts before trying to figure out how to answer him. She wished that they would have thought about how the nature of this case would affect the youngest member of their team, but it had been so long now…

"Honestly?" she asked. Reid looked her in the eye and nodded. "As awful as what we just saw was, Spence, Georgia was _so _much worse." He raised his eyebrows. Hand tightening on his shoulder, JJ went on. "We had to watch as he held a gun to your head and forced you to make an impossible decision. We had to watch him beat you senseless before watching you die. We had to watch him doing CPR, not knowing if it would work, and after that, we had to watch as he held the gun to your head again and forced you to make another decision that we knew would torture you."

Reid shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to let his mind take him back to that place.

"Most importantly," JJ continued, "it's one thing to know what's coming and watch it happening to a complete stranger. But as helpless as that made us all feel just now, it was so much harder not knowing what to expect and to watch it happen to someone we loved."

They were both silent for a moment. "I didn't know", Reid said quietly. "Nobody would talk to me about it."

"I know," JJ said, "and I know we should have, but it was too hard. I know _I_ was a total mess. Morgan was punching doors, Gideon was pacing around talking to himself, Hotch looked like he was trying to burn holes through the computer monitors with his eyes, Prentiss's famous ability to compartmentalize was cracking, and," she paused, smiling, as she ruffled his hair, "Garcia was crying because she just wanted her Junior G-Man back and couldn't do anything to make that happen faster."

Reid let out a broken-sounding laugh. "How did you guys not go completely crazy?"

JJ looked at him seriously. "Because we knew you needed us not to and to put together the clues. And right now, the women in this town need us to not go completely crazy and to put together the clues."

Reid gave her a small smile. "Do you think we can catch this guy before he gets anyone else?"

"Yes, I do," JJ said with certainty.

"How can you be so sure?" he asked.

JJ let go of his shoulder and took his hand in hers before replying. "Because we have you." Reid looked confused, so JJ clarified. "When Tobias Hankel… When you were missing, you know what I told Morgan was the one thing we needed to solve the case?" Reid shook his head. "You," she said.

"Me?" he asked in surprise.

"Yes, you," she said. "We're a team, a family. Take one piece away, and we don't work as well. We have all of us here now, and with all of us, we _will _find this guy."

Reid nodded. JJ had certainly given him something to think about.

JJ stood up, pulling Reid up with her. "So, _Dr. _Reid, are you ready to go help us catch a bad guy and make the world a safer place?"

"I think I'd like that," he said, the corners of his mouth turning up.

"Well let's get to it, then," she said, dragging him towards the station door, and he followed gladly.

The End

I hope you all enjoyed! Let me know what you think.


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